I got this fabulous deck of Animal Spirit* cards for Christmas, and I was really excited to start using them. I began pulling one out of the deck each morning as I asked the cards what I needed to be mindful of. Then I would look up the meaning of the card of the day in the deck’s handy-dandy reference book, and determine what insight the universe was sending me.

But then somehow I broke them. At least, that’s what I think must have happened, because for twelve straight days, I’ve pulled fire animal cards. So the deck must be broken, that’s all I can surmise.

The cards are divided into five elements: earth, air, water, fire, and spirit. Out of sixty-three cards, what are the odds of pulling a fire card twelve days in a row? I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure a streak like that is unlikely. And yes, I’m shuffling the cards.

According to the guidebook, creatures of fire lead us toward change, challenging us to become our best selves. And these cards tend to appear more frequently when conflict is present. Pulling several fire cards can mean that we are in the midst of growth and change.

That can’t be right.

Conflict? I don’t want conflict; I take great pains to avoid it. I don’t want to face challenges in becoming my best self; I think that journey should be a gradual process that involves maybe an affirmation or two, or walking a quarter-mile, a few calisthenics at most. I didn’t sign up for the fire of transformation; mine was more for the chocolate pudding of transformation.

Growth and change? I’m feeling more glued to the floor than ever, especially each time I attempt an action that would propel me in a new direction. There might be some fantasy of growth and change in the far, far distance, but I sure don’t feel I’m in the midst of it. I suppose this could be a can’t-see-the-forest-for-the-trees situation…maybe eventually I will get to the other side of the forest and emerge as a butterfly, but I’m not feeling it right now. I’ve mixed my metaphors, but you get it, right?

So here’s a question: since I’ve decided my deck is broken, why do I keep pulling cards? Or maybe the real question is why do I continue searching for clues when I argue with and deny the ones I’m given?

I can see that it’s going to be difficult to emerge as a butterfly if I refuse to accept any feedback that I don’t like. It’s like wanting to be sorted into a House at Hogwarts, unless it’s not Gryffindor, or at least Ravenclaw. Or how I’d love to know the color of my aura, unless I might find out it’s khaki.  Or gee, it would be great to get some insight on what is happening in my life. Unless of course I don’t like it, it leads to change, or causes me discomfort.

I don’t really have an answer here. Except to admit that if I continue to seek awareness from the universe – if I at least keep pulling cards and facing discomfort – it beats the alternative of doing nothing.

*The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Cards by Kim Krans

Categories: Thoughts

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